The ability to police irony

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you can summon raccoons, but all they do is piss on your shit

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The power to waste time and sit around doing nothing and not helping society when you could be doing something productive

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The power to spit so hard and fast that you hit yourself in the back of the head every time... and it can only be used once, because its so hard it goes trough everything...(thus hits you in the skull duh) including your skull... Moral: Remember kids! Protect, Serve and Survive, and ask your mommy and daddy why they make the sexytime... their response may be pretty interesting...

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The power to see through glass walls.

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The power to disintegrate yourself

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The power to die whenever you feel the slightest bit joyful, happy excited, etc.

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the power to fax people with your mind

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The power to stop time whenever you get stabbed in the liver

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ability to smack the crap out of austin calhounh and laugh at him

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the power to permanently change your name to Graham

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The power to burn the sun.

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The power to freeze time, but not unfreeze it.

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The power to change the temperature by 1 degree, once every leap year.

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The power to walk on water, but only if its temperature is below 0° C

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The power to see you're self in a mirror

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The power to die and come back to life in the middle of a crossfire between two tanks.

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the power to make coffee room temperature by touching it

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The power to think of powers someone else has already come up with

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The power to go to sleep for 7 hours a day

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The power to grab a cats face

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The power to slowly float upward with awesome evil aura whenever you laugh evilly (just like in the movies/anime/etc) Only to realize you are stuck up there until someone gets a crane or something to get you down...

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The power to look into the car next to me at the exact moment the driver is picking his nose

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the power to sing like a pro but only when in a bathroom or when autotune is involved...

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!