The ability to beat your grandmother in a race

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The ability to spit mouthwash

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the power to convert oxygen and glucose to water and carbon dioxide every time you breathe.

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The power to transform into baby food.

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The ability to turn your penis into a vagina... but only if you're a straight man... and you can't change it back...

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The ability to open a door that was already open.

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The power to have some fucking muslim (white guy, no arab) tell my wife that since we have been married for three years and I Speak spanish/Russian/Japanse/Itali... Anyways that she should at least be able to speak fluently spanish so shame on her. (The fuck I be teaching her spanish in Norway?) The power? To tell my wife that if I ever see him, I will chop his head off... My wife said I think he meant it well, I said, so do I. The reason its useless? My wife refused so I had to enter their stupid meeting room and tell him myself... He asked me who I was while shivering, my answer: Want to learn how to speak motherdfucking spanish? He supposedly spent staring down the floor for hours while refusing his boss`s offer to call the cops on me and told my wife to tell me he was sorry. I goddamn bet he is fucking sorry! Nero: Now and forever.

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The power to predict last week's lottery numbers

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the pouwer giv mee gramr

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Black power

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the ability to obtain a Klondike Bar without doing anything

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The ability to travel through time at a rate of one second per second.

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the ability to post here

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The power to love but never be loved (a.k.a the story of my life)

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The power to give ANY girl the best orgasm she will ever have, but only when in Vatnajökulsþjóðgarður, Iceland. Between the local time of 3am-3:15am.

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32% Levitation.

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The power to have laser vision but it is 2 times worse on your eyes.

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to have the power to dig a hole 2 milimeters deep in a century

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The power to finish right before you start (If you know what I mean)

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The power to read all the other pointless superpowers

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The ability to look at someone and die.

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The power to run past the speed of sound... Backwards

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The power to not feel pain when you are not in pain.

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The power to attract any women you like by ripping of your junk.

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!