the power to be immortal, but only temporally

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To Turn Thin To Macho but only in left arm

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The power to fall asleep each time you

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The ability to turn into a melting crayon for $20

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The power to chew with your tongue

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The power to have some fucking muslim (white guy, no arab) tell my wife that since we have been married for three years and I Speak spanish/Russian/Japanse/Itali... Anyways that she should at least be able to speak fluently spanish so shame on her. (The fuck I be teaching her spanish in Norway?) The power? To tell my wife that if I ever see him, I will chop his head off... My wife said I think he meant it well, I said, so do I. The reason its useless? My wife refused so I had to enter their stupid meeting room and tell him myself... He asked me who I was while shivering, my answer: Want to learn how to speak motherdfucking spanish? He supposedly spent staring down the floor for hours while refusing his boss`s offer to call the cops on me and told my wife to tell me he was sorry. I goddamn bet he is fucking sorry! Nero: Now and forever.

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The ability to produce rainbows and yoghurt from your armpits.

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The power to see 1 plank length farther then most normal people

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the power to photobomb random peoples photos without even knowing

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The ability to seduce any woman.....over 200lbs......that was born with a penis.

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power to transform into a dick with legs

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The power to not get shit d*ck

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power to breathe in water but when you get in to water you gonna die in 30 seconds

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Ability to emit a low-level light, but only when standing near a candle.

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what do you call someone who never says hello............................ a shy person

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The power to die

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Most of God`s powers. One: He has existed eternally, and one day he said: LET THERE BE LIGHT! Uh... so he has lived eternal eternities in the dark? Explains his shitty mood... Two: Speaking about let there be light... the very first sentence he utters is wrong, because "First God created light".... And then he went "oops" and time traveled back in time to create voice first so he could say anything? Three: He sent his son to combat sin... how powerful is sin? So powerful that a so called omnipotent being had to sacrifice his son? And what sacrifice is it to have your immortal son killed just to prove that he is immortal? Sounds like a guy being sawed in half and then coming out whole... TADAH! (applause from the audience). So in the end he sacrificed... nothing? He died to prove he could not die? Moral: Jesus: Epic troll..

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To be able to commit a sexual offense but never get away with it

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The power to levitate, but only after exactly 10 hours of sleep and you have to be wearing a tin foil bathing suit.

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The ability to dehydrate yourself at will.

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The Power to Breath When Ur dead

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The power to turn invisible, in pitch darkness

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The power to create peanut butter and jelly sandwiches without having any peanut butter.

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the power to disinfect wigs.

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!