The power to strangle yourself to death

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The power to shoot pieces of cheese from your eyes..

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The ability for your penis to tie itself into a knot.

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To be ALMOST able to run faster than a speeding bullet

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The power to make high definition photo a hammer (with a red comfortable heated handle with LED flashing lights) appear out of thin air. (Oh, and on a 8"x11" piece of paper of course).

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The power to rip open my shirt to show a s t-shirt

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The power to become a forensic paranoiac raving lunatic at will... HEY! YOU! Why are you gonna give my comment a thumbs down eh? AND WHY A THUMBS UP? Are you gonna hack my account and kill my family? OH YEAH! OH YEAH? I AM GONNA KILL THEM MYSELF JUST TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU! BAHAHAHAHA!

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The power to run at the speed of ligth but only when running complete circles

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the ability to manually control your breathing

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The ability to instantly friendzone yourself.

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The power to make water come out of your fingertips in a slow trickle, the way it looks in the shower.

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the power to shit your pants uncontrollably when your mom calls your name

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The power to give other people superpowers, but you can't give them to yourself.

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The power to turn brass into gold, but only when the brass is made of gold.

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the power to be able to get pointless superpowers

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The power to transform into a green extremely skinny and weak guy when you get angry.

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The power to revive anyone....But only if they are alive.

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The ability to heal someone by trying to beat them to a pulp.

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The power to be mario for 10 seconds then you vomit shit for 17 hours. this happens every week.

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The ability to be Edward Cullen

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to die when you are happy

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The power to walk on frozen water.

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The power to sound like a 12 year old while playing call of duty

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The power to see in black and white.

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!