The ability to have telekinesis on February the 30th

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The power to eat food a little faster. So when you are done you have to just stay there for 5 more minutes for everybody to finish

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The power to fly for 2 seconds when jumping

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The power to produce highly concentrated sulphuric acid in your sweat glands.

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The power to read the future in a language you will never learn to understand. Moral: I read that "thy comment expects a billion red thumbs"... WTF does that mean?

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the power to extend commercial time while your in the bathroom

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The power to be missed when present.

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The power to have extreme S and M sex with Rosie O Donnell at will, you as the submissive.

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The power to be light and stand against darkness. Moral: FU Destiny!

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The power to turn into a 90 year old woman with 20+ diseases

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The power of absolutely flawless hindsight. -Credit to South Park

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The power to slightly disfigure anything made out of macaroni.

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The power to instantly make an accurate assessment on tomorrow's hangover probability well before you've consumed far more than the amount of alcohol which would guarantee it...and yet manage to forget sometimes you have this superpower.

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power to drop the soap in the jail shower room

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The power to crap without pissing.

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the power to ryme words with orange, purple, and silver but only after eating your own poo and while singing a beyonce song

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the power to sleep while standing!

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the power to time travel to the same time, date, and year

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The power to keep up with the kardashians

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The power to make Thursday come before Friday and after Wednesday.

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the power to ejaculate 69% of what you normally do

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The ability to see women naked, but only if they weigh 400 pounds or more.

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The power to control the weather, but only in space

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The power to turn into a pineapple that can teleport into a persons stomach while they're eating spaghetti with meatballs that arent meatball but instead tofuballs that are flavoured as battery acid that have been poisned with pikachu pee that pikachu drank from a pond with whale corpses that died because of a pine apple that was in a persons stomach while they're eating spaghetti with meatballs that arent meatball but instead tofuballs that are flavoured as battery acid that have been poisned with pikachu pee that pikachu drank from a pond with whale corpses that died.

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!