The power to instantaneously fall asleep but only when tomorrow is a day off.

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The power to have some fucking muslim (white guy, no arab) tell my wife that since we have been married for three years and I Speak spanish/Russian/Japanse/Itali... Anyways that she should at least be able to speak fluently spanish so shame on her. (The fuck I be teaching her spanish in Norway?) The power? To tell my wife that if I ever see him, I will chop his head off... My wife said I think he meant it well, I said, so do I. The reason its useless? My wife refused so I had to enter their stupid meeting room and tell him myself... He asked me who I was while shivering, my answer: Want to learn how to speak motherdfucking spanish? He supposedly spent staring down the floor for hours while refusing his boss`s offer to call the cops on me and told my wife to tell me he was sorry. I goddamn bet he is fucking sorry! Nero: Now and forever.

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the power to freeze people only when it's cold

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The power to do anything else but worship me. Moral: I DEMAND SATISFACTION! I mean I dont need it, I just want you to do something useful with your life for once... That practically makes me into a saint... Aww.... Steve Jobs No More... LOOOOOOOLLLIPOP!

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The power to lick your elbow.

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the power to die

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The power to turn on electronic devices without pressing the switch, but only when you're touching the switch.

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01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110000 01101111 01110111 01100101 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110010 01100101 01100001 01100100 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001

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The power to yell WOW THOSE ARE SOME GIANT MELONS LADY! And have her blush and giggle, as your girlfriend grabs you and kisses you, just to make sure to "balloon lady" that you are not on the free market. Moral: And you think I act unusual here... Hah! That is simply because you lack the ability to love... the most important person in your life, the one that will take care of your beloved ones, the one that will inspire his friends... Yourself... sadly we are in a time period where being a modest emo is in... Well, I am out! Out there, being free!

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The power to get off the internet and do something productive

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The power to know the word for potato in every human language... including binary (011100000110111101110100011000010111010001101111)

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The ability to turn into a really comfortable chair FOREVER.

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The Power of Anti-Sex

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The power to shit diamonds, but only into magical underwear that turn diamonds into shit.

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The power to walk up stairs faster then normal.

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The power to use your dick/tits as your cellphone at any time.

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The power to never receive pop-ups when surfing porn, but only on gay porn

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Power To Throw Power Booger In Every 5 Seconds

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Power to make it rain sideways.

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Th power to have a 10 minute delayed reaction, so if you stub your toe 10 minutes later you scream like a f***nut

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The power to poop without wiping

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Immunity to everything but AIDS, bears, being choked with cloth, Donald trump, Energy Blasts, fire, guns, etc.

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the power to grill steak for a vegetarian

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power to make the most lethal fart know to man but only when you girlfriends is around

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!