The ability to de-carbonate soda

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the power to speak bulagrian for 28 sec every 37 day

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The power to grow a beard really fast but only relative to the hair on your head

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The ability to perpetually masturbate.

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the power to absorb gamma radiation, but no resistance to radiation poisoning.

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The power to hear people from across the globe, make people move with your own mind, and the ability to make people disappear from the Earth. Ladies and Gentleman, I call it MMORPG!

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the power to go into a coma

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The power to fly 2mm above the ground

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The power to eat nails and crap broken glass.

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The power to make lie the ultimate truth

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The power to give your grandma amazing orgasms.

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the power to make as many dogs appear as you want but they don't listen to anyone and they have rabies

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The power to decrease the number of thumbs up by how long the joke was written.

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The ability to turn into a were-turtle when exposed to the full moon.

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The power to set yourself on fire but be immune to flames

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The power to make things disappear when I shut my eyes, then bring them back when I open them.

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Genetic immunity to the bubonic plague.

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The power to pick something up and stay the same but smell bad.

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The Power to be trust by anyone as long as you are saying bullshits.

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The ability to fart like a zombie.

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The power to let someone control your dick

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the power to walk up the stairs without losing your breath...

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The power to automatically yell every action you do like in a Japanese fighting game, I once started doing this for fun, at the end of the day eveyone hated me, good luck. (OPEN DOOR! OPEN DOOR! CLOSE DOOR! POOL SHOT! CUMMING HARD CUMMING HARD! SONIC BOOM! BEING TOLD TO SHUT UP! BEING TOLD TO SHUT UP! TAKING A PUNCH TO THE FACE UPPERCUT!)

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The power to spend your money on yourself, when you gotta do something useful with it, like giving it to me. Moral: GIVE ME THY TRESUUUR!

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!