The ability to suddenly realize you have Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +61

The power to fart upon command.

thumb_up thumb_down +57

The power to eat food, but as you eat the food you turn into a giant green monster and have to terrorize Japan for the rest of your life. As a result of you terrorizing Japan, McDonald's comes out with monster toys and Universal does a chi...ldren's movie about how monsters can be cute cuddly creatures in order to calm down those who are having nightmares at night because of your horrific actions in Japan. While in Japan though a mad scientist creates a unmosterification ray gun that heals you. Then you decide you have to go on an all liquid diet so over the course of many years you become impervious to drowning, in that time you also develop the ability to speak with sea animals with a sonar type ability. Thus rendering you as Aquaman the most useless superhero ever.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

The power to defrost windows with the turn of a knob.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

The power to not get crushed, only if you're in contact with something.

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Telekinetic power over styrofoam

thumb_up thumb_down +41

The power to fall up.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

the power to cook instant pasta in less than 1 min.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

the power to fly two inches above solid ground at the speed you walk

thumb_up thumb_down +21

The power of 2 milliseconds of omnipotence followed by death.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

The power to teleport yourself naked in front of your mom each time she is naked. (it cant be shut of)

thumb_up thumb_down +15

The power of reincarnate but have absolutely no memory of your previous lives.

thumb_up thumb_down +13

The ability to rectify health and safety concerns, using a sword.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

the power to cure someones cold by giving them AIDs

thumb_up thumb_down +5

the power to summon 10 ants every week

thumb_up thumb_down +3

The power to fart and smell like shit and not be shit.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

thee power to not eat but still starve

thumb_up thumb_down -11

The power for chris not to eat spaghetti

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Immunity to antipsychotic medication

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Giving a shit about someone's bull shit

thumb_up thumb_down -27

The ability to turn invisible but only when no one is looking at you

thumb_up thumb_down -31

The power to make dad jokes.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

The power to shit for 5 days

thumb_up thumb_down +102

the power to be as dumb as george bush and as useless as barrak obama

thumb_up thumb_down +100

Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!