The power to eat food a little faster. So when you are done you have to just stay there for 5 more minutes for everybody to finish

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The ability to stub your toe on every object near you when walking.

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The power to read the future in a language you will never learn to understand. Moral: I read that "thy comment expects a billion red thumbs"... WTF does that mean?

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the power to extend commercial time while your in the bathroom

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the power to think of useless super powere like this one

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The power to be missed when present.

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The power to have extreme S and M sex with Rosie O Donnell at will, you as the submissive.

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The power to be light and stand against darkness. Moral: FU Destiny!

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The power of absolutely flawless hindsight. -Credit to South Park

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The power to instantly make an accurate assessment on tomorrow's hangover probability well before you've consumed far more than the amount of alcohol which would guarantee it...and yet manage to forget sometimes you have this superpower.

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The power to slightly disfigure anything made out of macaroni.

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The power to flush toilets with your mind

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The power to crap without pissing.

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power to drop the soap in the jail shower room

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the power to ryme words with orange, purple, and silver but only after eating your own poo and while singing a beyonce song

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The power to keep up with the kardashians

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The power to make Thursday come before Friday and after Wednesday.

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the power to ejaculate 69% of what you normally do

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The ability to see women naked, but only if they weigh 400 pounds or more.

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power to transform into a dick with legs

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The power to control the weather, but only in space

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the power to know when someone queefed

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The power to have a great singing voice, but only in the shower,

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The ability to go blind every time you open your eyes

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!