the power to never be late to work, but only when you're unemployed.

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The power to see water one meter behind you.

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The power to shoot glue from your penis

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The power to surround yourself in fire, but only when you're underwater.

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Have god like powers but only on 30 of february

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The power to assassinate already-dead leaders

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The power to open any trash can lid with telekinesis if its within view.

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The power to jump over any fence no matter how high! Good luck surviving the fall.

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The power to see your reflection with The Mirror

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have the power of making chicken appear when your a vegan

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The ability to control dairy products

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The power to laugh so hard you can't breath at "Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?" Jokes.

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The power to fly, but only fly north

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The power of omniscience but it causes a near fatal heart attack every time you think.

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The power think five times slower.

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The power to do unto others as you do unto yourself

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The ability to understand everything about a language after 100 years of intense studying when you could be doing something more interesting.

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The power to make only right turns. take THAT nascar!

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The power to have razor sharp facial hair.

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the power to melt your bones

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The ability to stop farting so that you blow up like a balloon that eventually bursts.

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Most of God`s powers. One: He has existed eternally, and one day he said: LET THERE BE LIGHT! Uh... so he has lived eternal eternities in the dark? Explains his shitty mood... Two: Speaking about let there be light... the very first sentence he utters is wrong, because "First God created light".... And then he went "oops" and time traveled back in time to create voice first so he could say anything? Three: He sent his son to combat sin... how powerful is sin? So powerful that a so called omnipotent being had to sacrifice his son? And what sacrifice is it to have your immortal son killed just to prove that he is immortal? Sounds like a guy being sawed in half and then coming out whole... TADAH! (applause from the audience). So in the end he sacrificed... nothing? He died to prove he could not die? Moral: Jesus: Epic troll..

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the ability to discern homophobic, racist, and mysoginistic posts on this site from the actually ok ones.. oh wait this is useful STOP BEING A JACKASS

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Each time to show up on daily live TV each time you are masturbating.

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!