The ability to control dairy products

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The power to shoot glue from your penis

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the power to poo out of your eyeballs and they burn when you do it

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the power to summon a massive midget

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The power to eat just 1 Lays potato chip

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The power to assassinate already-dead leaders

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The power think five times slower.

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the power to permanently change your name to Graham

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The Power to Read really Small Words

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The power to burn the sun.

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The power to have any girl as your girl friend but they turn ugly

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The Power of your footstep sounding like a horse gallop

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the power of losing and getting in 2nd place or 3th. the power of clearing your mind only for it to stay blank. the power of riding a horse really well aslong as you think it is a cow. the power of breathing AIR. the power of bellyflopping cement. the power of reading ancient arameîc. the power of speaking perfect gibberish.

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The power to hold your pee for 5 minutes longer than normal.

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The power to not think of a productive power.

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the power to see everyone as a tree

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The power to shift baroque and rococo era paintings proximately 2" up and 3" to the left.

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Strength to instantly kill anyone just by lightly tapping them, as long as they're physically stronger than you.

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The power to have some fucking muslim (white guy, no arab) tell my wife that since we have been married for three years and I Speak spanish/Russian/Japanse/Itali... Anyways that she should at least be able to speak fluently spanish so shame on her. (The fuck I be teaching her spanish in Norway?) The power? To tell my wife that if I ever see him, I will chop his head off... My wife said I think he meant it well, I said, so do I. The reason its useless? My wife refused so I had to enter their stupid meeting room and tell him myself... He asked me who I was while shivering, my answer: Want to learn how to speak motherdfucking spanish? He supposedly spent staring down the floor for hours while refusing his boss`s offer to call the cops on me and told my wife to tell me he was sorry. I goddamn bet he is fucking sorry! Nero: Now and forever.

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The power to transform into a paralysed turtle with half its shell missing

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The ability to recall lyrics of particularly terrible music with perfect accuracy.

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The power to sing like Justin Beiber.

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The ability to see into the present.

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Ability to emit a low-level light, but only when standing near a candle.

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!