The power to be better than Chuck Norris, but you have to be in a lucid sleep.

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the power to laugh at burials and cry at weddings

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Super empathy! The power to feel the suffering of every living being...

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The uncontrollable power to teleport to the places you don't want to be and every time this happens... a random fat guy barfs on you

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The power to hear in the dark.

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the power to change people socks on command

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The power to die whenever you feel the slightest bit joyful, happy excited, etc.

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The power to change into an Arab at will. Moral: Will not work inside arab-countries.

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The ability to hear fish.

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The power to open any trash can lid with telekinesis if its within view.

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The power to eat your poop

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The power to fly 3 inches.

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The power to be able to taste shit from miles away.

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The power to take perfectly timed photos when nothing interesting is going on.

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You know what they say! The power to make all toasters... Toast Toast!

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The power to time-travel to the moment you die.

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the power to turn into a tree

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The power to summon a green Hippo that would mush up your poop in your toilet. Oddly, the superpower is only able to be summonded one a year, sorry.

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The ability to telekinetically form crop circles in your own pubic hair.

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Most of God`s powers. One: He has existed eternally, and one day he said: LET THERE BE LIGHT! Uh... so he has lived eternal eternities in the dark? Explains his shitty mood... Two: Speaking about let there be light... the very first sentence he utters is wrong, because "First God created light".... And then he went "oops" and time traveled back in time to create voice first so he could say anything? Three: He sent his son to combat sin... how powerful is sin? So powerful that a so called omnipotent being had to sacrifice his son? And what sacrifice is it to have your immortal son killed just to prove that he is immortal? Sounds like a guy being sawed in half and then coming out whole... TADAH! (applause from the audience). So in the end he sacrificed... nothing? He died to prove he could not die? Moral: Jesus: Epic troll..

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The ability to stop farting so that you blow up like a balloon that eventually bursts.

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the power to be Justin bieber

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the power to catch em' all

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The power of self-propelled flight, but only when you're the President of the United States.

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!