Shoppers today in the mattress department we just started a great promotion.

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to do nothing

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The power to stand in line at the DMV with a smile on your face.

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the power to orgasm with your mind

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the power to suck at absolutly everything you do, except at failing.

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The power to be Obama when he's not president anymore

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The power to not write pointless powers.

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time travel that ownly have 5 time before loose it

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The power to ramble on and on endlessly with no end in sight with the most inane of thoughts that no one can begin to guess when they will end or what the value or goal of anything so long-winded might be until you find yourself questioning your very desire to go living if you are only going to continue rambling.

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The power to moves in slow motion.

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The power to not see the troll dude in the Pointless Superpowers logo raping the words 'Pointless Superpowers'

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The power to see 3-D movies in 2-D.

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power to eat 500000 big macs in a day

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The power to have really sweaty palms.

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Nothing

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The power to transform any food into shit simply by eating it.

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the power to walk an inch above land but only on labor day

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The power to get a song stuck in someone's head.

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The power to summon a spray of bullets going everywhere in the room, and bullet-vulnerability.

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The power to defeat Chuck Norris but only if you can reach the speed of light

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the power to stop masturbating every day

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The power to turn everything you touch into cheese

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The power to breathe slightly faster

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The power to read the future in a language you will never learn to understand. Moral: I read that "thy comment expects a billion red thumbs"... WTF does that mean?

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!