Most of God`s powers. One: He has existed eternally, and one day he said: LET THERE BE LIGHT! Uh... so he has lived eternal eternities in the dark? Explains his shitty mood... Two: Speaking about let there be light... the very first sentence he utters is wrong, because "First God created light".... And then he went "oops" and time traveled back in time to create voice first so he could say anything? Three: He sent his son to combat sin... how powerful is sin? So powerful that a so called omnipotent being had to sacrifice his son? And what sacrifice is it to have your immortal son killed just to prove that he is immortal? Sounds like a guy being sawed in half and then coming out whole... TADAH! (applause from the audience). So in the end he sacrificed... nothing? He died to prove he could not die? Moral: Jesus: Epic troll..

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the power to catch em' all

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the power to be Justin bieber

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The power of self-propelled flight, but only when you're the President of the United States.

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the ability to discern homophobic, racist, and mysoginistic posts on this site from the actually ok ones.. oh wait this is useful STOP BEING A JACKASS

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The power of flight but only when you're within three feet of another person.

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TREE POWERS ACTIVATE

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The power to give ANY girl the best orgasm she will ever have, but only when in Vatnajökulsþjóðgarður, Iceland. Between the local time of 3am-3:15am.

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The power to perform incredible feats of strength and speed but only while on an elevator.

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The power to slowly float upward with awesome evil aura whenever you laugh evilly (just like in the movies/anime/etc) Only to realize you are stuck up there until someone gets a crane or something to get you down...

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Be dumb and gay like austin Calhoun

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The ability to run faster than the speed of sound, but only when laying down.

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The power to pick any lock as long as its open

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the power to flick a coin and get heads 50% of the time.

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The power to know who farted at any time.

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The power of extreme superstrenght, you scratch you`re nuts and planet earth explodes from the vibrations.

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The power to change $100 to 100 $1

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The power to be number one, unless someone was better than you.

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The ability to "Right Click" Properties

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The ability to be completely bullet-proof as long as a bullet never hits you.

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the power to turn into a narwhal. Once. At your grandmother's funeral

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The power to be an artistic genius during a math test.

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The power to lift animate objects in the same direction.

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The ability to breath underwater but loses the ability to breath normally forever

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!