the power to laugh at burials and cry at weddings

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The power uncontrollably self destruct when you feel safe.

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The power to walk through doors, then open it.

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The power to suck your own dick

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The uncontrollable power to teleport to the places you don't want to be and every time this happens... a random fat guy barfs on you

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The power to hear in the dark.

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The power to change into an Arab at will. Moral: Will not work inside arab-countries.

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The power to die whenever you feel the slightest bit joyful, happy excited, etc.

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The power to eat your poop

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The power to be able to taste shit from miles away.

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The power to make a rather pointless comeback here... Moral: See what I mean? ;),

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The power to time-travel to the moment you die.

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The power to have superpowers from the beginning

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THE POWER TO NOT HAVE SUPERPOWERS! ...............ever

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the power to turn into a tree

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Most of God`s powers. One: He has existed eternally, and one day he said: LET THERE BE LIGHT! Uh... so he has lived eternal eternities in the dark? Explains his shitty mood... Two: Speaking about let there be light... the very first sentence he utters is wrong, because "First God created light".... And then he went "oops" and time traveled back in time to create voice first so he could say anything? Three: He sent his son to combat sin... how powerful is sin? So powerful that a so called omnipotent being had to sacrifice his son? And what sacrifice is it to have your immortal son killed just to prove that he is immortal? Sounds like a guy being sawed in half and then coming out whole... TADAH! (applause from the audience). So in the end he sacrificed... nothing? He died to prove he could not die? Moral: Jesus: Epic troll..

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You can hear what people think ...in sign language.

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The ability to telekinetically form crop circles in your own pubic hair.

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the power to catch em' all

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The power of self-propelled flight, but only when you're the President of the United States.

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The power of flight but only when you're within three feet of another person.

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The power to perform incredible feats of strength and speed but only while on an elevator.

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The ability to teleport 1 step forward at will at a walking pace.

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The power to slowly float upward with awesome evil aura whenever you laugh evilly (just like in the movies/anime/etc) Only to realize you are stuck up there until someone gets a crane or something to get you down...

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!