Most of God`s powers. One: He has existed eternally, and one day he said: LET THERE BE LIGHT! Uh... so he has lived eternal eternities in the dark? Explains his shitty mood... Two: Speaking about let there be light... the very first sentence he utters is wrong, because "First God created light".... And then he went "oops" and time traveled back in time to create voice first so he could say anything? Three: He sent his son to combat sin... how powerful is sin? So powerful that a so called omnipotent being had to sacrifice his son? And what sacrifice is it to have your immortal son killed just to prove that he is immortal? Sounds like a guy being sawed in half and then coming out whole... TADAH! (applause from the audience). So in the end he sacrificed... nothing? He died to prove he could not die? Moral: Jesus: Epic troll..

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the ability to discern homophobic, racist, and mysoginistic posts on this site from the actually ok ones.. oh wait this is useful STOP BEING A JACKASS

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The power of compulsive lying.

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The Power to Breath When Ur dead

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the power to teleport but then immediatly cr@p your pants

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the power to feel pain whenever you breathe

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The power to become invisible, only when no one is looking at you.

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Be dumb and gay like austin Calhoun

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The power to summon a rainstorm. Just a rainstorm, nothing else.

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The power to find any film directed by Uwe Boll entertaining.

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The power to pick any lock as long as its open

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The power to make pencils dull.

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The power to eat soup with a fork.

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The power to fall without screaming.

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The power to live forever until you die a natural way or get killed.

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The ability to find a use for 8th grade Algebra.

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the power to orgasm with your mind

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The power to urinate in any color- even rainbow color!

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The power to nag at the speed of light before he even thinks about doing it you can literally nag him to death faster then the rapper twister can say his own name!!!

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The power to freeze laptops when you're watching porn and someone comes in.

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The power to sleep and never be disturbed.

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the power to be blind, but only if you're blind

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The ability to fool other drivers on the road into thinking that you are a car-sized mouse.

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The power to pull any woman that just asked you for a shag.

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!