The epic power of laser pointer vision.

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The power to give yourself any disease, but not the power to cure it.

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The power to read the future in a language you will never learn to understand. Moral: I read that "thy comment expects a billion red thumbs"... WTF does that mean?

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The power to turn cake into pie

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The power to cash cheques that are only ever made out to someone else.

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----the power to hold your breath until your die-----

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The power to fart slightly less deadly

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Normal handsome man by day. Moral: Man by night.

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The power to open jam jar lids, however stuck they are.

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The power to cum cucumbers if you are a man.

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the power to ryme words with orange, purple, and silver but only after eating your own poo and while singing a beyonce song

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The power to jizz mango chutney

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The power to have your mother suck your dick dry as long as there is any sperm in your balls.

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to make your bowel work backwards

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You might not GET super power, but you can get some super bonus. Get free rides with Lyft, (only new passengers). Use Lyft official code "IAMLUCKY" to get $50 up to $200 in ride credits. Now thats like a little superpower, you get to teleport from one place to other for free with Lyft. Get some super bonus until you really ever get a super power ;-)

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The power to wear the same clothes every day without them getting dirty.

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the power to randomly die at any moment

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the power to kill yourself

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The power to suck your own dick

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THE POWER OF PEDOBEAR!!!!! but only when theres law enforcement around

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The power to be better than Chuck Norris, but you have to be in a lucid sleep.

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The ability to have 99 problems without one of them being a female

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The Power of your footstep sounding like a horse gallop

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The power to resurrect the dead but only for 1 second.

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!