[insert pointless super powers here]

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The power to become extremely intoxicated only during job interviews

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the power to lift 5 tonnes above your head, but only for 0.1 seconds

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the power to have a power.

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The power to when you get scared, you fart.

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The power to make any drug appear in your bloodstream at lethal levels.

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The power to give yourself cancer

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the power to watch reruns of NBC's "Joey" in your head

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The power to have your incontinence supplies delivered discretely to your door with little or no cost to you!

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the power to kill yourself

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The power to eavesdrop on your best friend from anywhere in the world when he's sleeping.

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The power to move through light at the speed of time

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the power to read impossibly fast, but only when you're watching a movie with no subtitles

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The ability to turn your semen into spiders.

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The power to have horrible spelling while trying to write an ad for the pointless superpowers app.

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The power of believing you have a real power when you don't (which doesn't make you have a power at all, and consequently, turns into a paradox). Self-paradox man!

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the power to fly twice every 22 years for 6 seconds in you room with the door closed

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The power to be scared shitless and run around like a retard for about 100 minutes.

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The power to think that mayonnaise is an instrument.

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the power to die

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The power to remember memories that you have forgotten, but only for 82 milliseconds, and then you forget them again.

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the power to taste your own spit

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The ability to go 100% slower

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The ability to obtain a date with any girl you want, but only if you are gay.

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!