the power to disappear up your own asshole

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The ability to headbutt yourself in the face.

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The power to control weather on Mars

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The power to make your left hand glow whenever you put your right hand up your ass.

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The power to bleed for 3-7 days for a week every month, and still live..

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The power to produce up to 20 gummy bears at once through the process of budding

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The power think five times slower.

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to zap people but only yourself

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The power to sit for extended periods of time in front of the computer doing pointless things. The person who is reading this has that pointless superpower otherwise he would be doing something productive.

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The ability to spit mouthwash

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the power to fall at 9.9m per second.

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The ability to recall lyrics of particularly terrible music with perfect accuracy.

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The ability to understand everything about a language after 100 years of intense studying when you could be doing something more interesting.

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The power to hurt other people by hurting yourself, and you both sustain the damage.

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The power to have some fucking muslim (white guy, no arab) tell my wife that since we have been married for three years and I Speak spanish/Russian/Japanse/Itali... Anyways that she should at least be able to speak fluently spanish so shame on her. (The fuck I be teaching her spanish in Norway?) The power? To tell my wife that if I ever see him, I will chop his head off... My wife said I think he meant it well, I said, so do I. The reason its useless? My wife refused so I had to enter their stupid meeting room and tell him myself... He asked me who I was while shivering, my answer: Want to learn how to speak motherdfucking spanish? He supposedly spent staring down the floor for hours while refusing his boss`s offer to call the cops on me and told my wife to tell me he was sorry. I goddamn bet he is fucking sorry! Nero: Now and forever.

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The power to stay dry in the rain, while indoors.

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The power to shift baroque and rococo era paintings proximately 2" up and 3" to the left.

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The power to drive a car, but only once you've passed your driver's license.

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The ability to talk to deer, only while riding one.

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to eat a pie and get to fart an apple (cus why not)

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The power to tap dance awesomely, but only when wearing bunny slippers.

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The ability to turn into an apple--but not be able to turn back.

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The super power to shine in daylight

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the power to teleport but then immediatly cr@p your pants

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!