The power to have extreme S and M sex with Rosie O Donnell at will, you as the submissive.

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The power to slightly disfigure anything made out of macaroni.

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The power to instantly make an accurate assessment on tomorrow's hangover probability well before you've consumed far more than the amount of alcohol which would guarantee it...and yet manage to forget sometimes you have this superpower.

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The ability to produce rainbows and yoghurt from your armpits.

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The power to crap without pissing.

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power to drop the soap in the jail shower room

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the power to ryme words with orange, purple, and silver but only after eating your own poo and while singing a beyonce song

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The power to know when a painting is crooked but it only works if the painting is noticeably crooked.

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The power to keep up with the kardashians

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the power to ejaculate 69% of what you normally do

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The power to make Thursday come before Friday and after Wednesday.

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The ability to see women naked, but only if they weigh 400 pounds or more.

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The power to create skype chats with 50 people and subsequently annoy all of them with 200+ messages per second. unfortunately neither you nor anybody can block, silence or leave the chat

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The power to control the weather, but only in space

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The power to have night vision when there's daylight.

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The power to turn into a pineapple that can teleport into a persons stomach while they're eating spaghetti with meatballs that arent meatball but instead tofuballs that are flavoured as battery acid that have been poisned with pikachu pee that pikachu drank from a pond with whale corpses that died because of a pine apple that was in a persons stomach while they're eating spaghetti with meatballs that arent meatball but instead tofuballs that are flavoured as battery acid that have been poisned with pikachu pee that pikachu drank from a pond with whale corpses that died.

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the power to turn into a tree

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The power to phase through walls whenever there is a door nearby leading to the next room

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Most of God`s powers. One: He has existed eternally, and one day he said: LET THERE BE LIGHT! Uh... so he has lived eternal eternities in the dark? Explains his shitty mood... Two: Speaking about let there be light... the very first sentence he utters is wrong, because "First God created light".... And then he went "oops" and time traveled back in time to create voice first so he could say anything? Three: He sent his son to combat sin... how powerful is sin? So powerful that a so called omnipotent being had to sacrifice his son? And what sacrifice is it to have your immortal son killed just to prove that he is immortal? Sounds like a guy being sawed in half and then coming out whole... TADAH! (applause from the audience). So in the end he sacrificed... nothing? He died to prove he could not die? Moral: Jesus: Epic troll..

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The power to appear dancing like a girl at the background of every Justin Bieber "music" "video"

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The power of reading the entire terms of service and understand it in less than 10 hrs.

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be a massive dickhead, like thomas bull

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the ability to do 3 backflips in a row when no one is looking

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The power to have sex with anyone you want in the world, but only after you die.

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!