The power to eat broken glass and shit windows.

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The power to rip open my shirt to show a s t-shirt

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The power to achieve 98% opacity

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The power to be dead

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the power to fly but only about 5 feet above the grove, and only after you fart

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The power to kill anything you touch, but only when touching adorable puppies.

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The power to teleport to any 3rd world country

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The power to procrastinate so much, you don't even eat, and eventually die.

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to power to do the bird is the word

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The power to divide by zero

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Ability to emit soap from your ears in the sun

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The ability to go forward in time at will.

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to spelle caretly

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the power to be invisible when sleep.

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The power to solve every problem in the world. By dying.

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The power to know who farted at any time.

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The power to have superhuman strength. But I have to jack off to do so.

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The power to see what a person is wearing.

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The ability to breathe and swallow at the same time.

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The power to eat food, but as you eat the food you turn into a giant green monster and have to terrorize Japan for the rest of your life. As a result of you terrorizing Japan, McDonald's comes out with monster toys and Universal does a children's movie about how monsters can be cute cuddly creatures in order to calm down those who are having nightmares at night because of your horrific actions in Japan. While in Japan though a mad scientist creates a unmosterification ray gun that heals you. Then you decide you have to go on an all liquid diet so over the course of many years you become impervious to drowning, in that time you also develop the ability to speak with sea animals with a sonar type ability. Thus rendering you as Aquaman the most useless superhero ever.

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The power to summon huge snowstorms, but only on the weekend.

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the power to get a 100" erection but only over your dead greatgrandma

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The power to heal yourself but only damage you inflict on yourself.

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The power to be writing a pointless superpower on a website about pointless superpowers when you could be doing something productive.

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!