the power to stop masturbating every day

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The power to telepathically open umbrellas, only open and only umbrellas.

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The power to turn into any edible object in a restaurant.

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The power to make your nipples hurt when you twist them

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The power to become attractive to women. but only when your with elderly people and Sarah Palin.

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the power to hate Raymond, and like Chris.

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The power to use a rectangular prism to generate electricity to go on a square-shaped object full of pixels and create things with it.

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The power to make any woman sleep with you. but works only on dead ones.

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The power to ejaculate needles.

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the power to run in slow motion

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The power to only see things that are a shade of orange if the date adds up to a divisor of Pi x enough to make it a whole number, if you are wearing a hat and have recently expeled bodily fluid

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The power to live forever but only in a coma.

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The ability to grow your hair at an ever so slightly extended rate!

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Being able to poop your pants at will with no control over it.

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The power to never have fun...never.

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The power to turn everything one touches with one's hand into skittles, but only applying to amputees.

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The power to grow a money tree once every 5 years that grows 1 penny every 10 years.

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The power to not be moral man. Moral: Your thumbs down cant hurt me! Are you a fucking ass? IM THE MORAL MAN BITCH!

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The power to turn in to a weak 1 year old

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Immunity to everything but AIDS, bears, being choked with cloth, Donald trump, Energy Blasts, fire, guns, etc.

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The power to be Obama when he's not president anymore

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The power to be well feed for a day, after you eat. Dinner

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The power to breath under water but only if you're holding your breath

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The power to become mentally retarded only when you get an erection.

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!