The power to make water expire.

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you can summon raccoons, but all they do is piss on your shit

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The power to always be at half mast.

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being black

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The power to stop moral man from writing morals under every comment... Moral: The damn CIA cant go trough my battlestation, because I use this computer via proxy and can change my IP at will, so you literally would have to blow up the anti-bomb shelters in Micronesia and thus kill a key element of the pirate bay... And who would want that... buy your own music and movies? Download your own games? YOU THINK YOU HAVE THAT LUXURY? YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH!

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The power to turn vaseline into mercury whenever you think about throwing away a perfectly good taco

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The power to "smell what the Rock is cooking"

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The power to give people an inexplicable hatred for you.

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the power to fall at 9.9m per second.

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The ability to not drop anything ...when you're not holding anything

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The power to not remember, the only problem, is that you don't remember having this awesome power.

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The power to revive people, however it only works on people who commit genocide.

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The power to poop almost instantly, but you always have the runs.

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The power to change place with any famous boxer everytime he gets hit. Moral: Hate me, love me... in the end you cannot hate what you do not care about do you? Remember this, when someone hates you, its simply because they care and worry about you... probably the only moral that makes sense... life is beautiful, thank you haters, thank you lovers, and you know what they say... haters gonna hate... they are all just a fluffy bunch of people that care too much :)

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The power to be Rosie O'Donnell.

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power to drop the soap in the jail shower room

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The power to summon fire with the use of a match

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The power to pronounce the word "rural."

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The power to read the minds of sandwhiches.

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The power to pause time and control every person you touch while the time is paused

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The power to be a MISSERABLE PILE OF SECRETS! BUT ENOUGH TALK (glass breaks) HAVE AT YOU! Moral: More are gonna get this one than those below, this one is merely a quote rather than cerebral. But you can always pretend to understand it by thumbing it up, or down if you just fail at understanding, either way is fine.

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The power to become famous on vine

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the power to get F's on assignments without trying

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The power to make Justin Bieber be dead but only when you are listening to someone good at singing

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Pointless Super Powers

A pointless super power is a supernatural ability that has no practical value. The humor is in the fact that you would be better of without that special ability. Enjoy this funny collection of pointless superpowers and write you own!